


Bad Blood

by Deansbaby11283 (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Sadness, more to come - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-06 21:36:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4237530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Deansbaby11283
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel were once the cutest couple to ever couple, that is until one faithful night that changed everything now they have bad blood and they don't think they can fix it , or can they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Baby We Got Bad Blood

Dean and Castiel had the perfect relationship, like literary perfect. They were voted cutest couple of their senior class, homecoming kings, and even Prom Kings. Highschool was great for them, college not so much. College was rough to them, it started when Dean’s Father John took them on a hunting trip, it was full of homophobic comments toward the two of them. Their relationship ended in tears and bottles, the night was June 28th 2015 Dean come home beaten and bruised to Castiel waiting arms.  
“Baby, what happened?” Castiel asked Dean, he tried to wrap his arms around him but Dean shrugged him off.  
“Nothing”. He said cold, clipped, rude. Castiel looked at him strangely, were they fighting? Still? Castiel didn’t think so, last time they fought Dean made sure China knew about it. Then Dean did something that he hadn’t done in a while, he grabbed a beer and chugged it down. Castiel stared wide eyed as he watched the love of his life drown himself in alchol when the beer was done, he moved on to the whiskey, then the wine, that’s when Castiel cut him off, he grabbed the bottle and pulled it away from him.  
“Dean you are going to tell me why you look so beaten up and then we are going to talk you aren’t going to drown yourself in booze”. Castiel told him.  
Dean scoffed “Of course the fag wants to talk, go screw yourself Martha Stewart”. Dean mumbled.  
Tears rose to Castiel’s eyes and he took a deep breath before speaking. “You don’t mean that, Dean just talk to me!” Castiel raised his voice and it got Dean to look at him at least, Castiel never raised his voice, he didn’t think it helped but he was upset now.  
“My Dad beat me straight! Okay, he beat the gay out of me and I realize I don’t love you, I never have, it was just stupid thoughts in my head, so I’m going to get my stuff and I’m leaving and you can continue getting fucked in the ass, it’s time for me to be a damn man”. Dean got up from where he sat and stormed off to the room they shared gathered his stuff and headed for the door.  
“Dean come on, are you really listening to your Dad of all people? He walked out on your Mom and the only reason they are together right now is because of Sam, Dean listen to me I love you and I know somewhere inside you, you love me too”. Castiel begged him to listen, implored him to just stay but it was over. Castiel sat on the floor of their shared apartment and cried he buried his face in his hands, he couldn’t take this, he crawled to their room and laid in the sheets, burying his face in Dean’s pillow and breathing in his scent, pictures flashed before him.  
Dean cooking breakfast, the look on Dean’s face when his Mom told him John was back, Dean holding Sam’s child. Every experience he had with Dean, and now everything was gone.  
After a while of sniffing into Dean’s pillow Castiel drifted off to sleep, and he dreamt. He dreamt of the time when Sam nervously came to Dean to tell him that Ruby his girlfriend at the time was pregnant. Sam was just getting out of his freshman year, Dean was supportive asked him if the sex was mutual on both sides, and when Sam told him yes he told him to be around for everything, if she wanted to give it up support her, if she wants to keep it support her.  
Sam did that and more, when Selina was born, Sam was there and when Ruby decided she couldn’t deal with having a kid, or her shitty home life, and killed herself Sam stayed there raising his daughter, going to school and aspiring to be a lawyer. Dean could never be so proud.  
Castiel woke up with a start, he remembered everything of his dream and he wept again with the thought that he would never see Selina again. It went on like that for two weeks, two weeks and Castiel didn’t move from the bed unless to get some water or some crackers. He didn’t answer the door or the phone he just watched the walls. That was until he got angry, he got mad, mad at Dean, at Sam, at the Winchester’s in general and he vowed if he ever saw Dean again they would have problems.  
At this time Castiel saw it like this, They had Bad Blood, they used to have mad love but now they were enemies .  
Dean saw it like this. He couldn’t take it back, he loved to deep and he fought his Father too hard, he doesn’t hate Cas, but he would hate to overrate him.  
Starcrossed lovers done for good, or are they?


	2. It Used to Be Mad Love

Dean and Lisa got together soon after that, it made his dad happy to see him dating a girl and they never mentioned that night again, Castiel started dating Meg Masters but they broke up soon about a few months after, when Meg almost died doing drugs, now he was with Balthazar. Dean and Castiel hadn’t said a civil word since that fight, they fought and caused problems with each other they hated each other.   
Until one day all their teachers kept them apart after seeing the havoc they caused when they were near each other no one wanted to be responsible for one more black eye on Castiel or one more prank caused by Gabriel Castiel’s older jackass of a brother. Until Mr. Crowley started to teach at Kansas University, he was new after the old teacher got pregnant she didn’t want to teach college anymore so she went back to something more laid back, highschool, her notes about the class were pretty simple. “Everyone pretty much gets along and does there assignments, except for Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak, keep them away from each other at all costs”. She wrote in bold, Crowley curious, he wasn’t going to keep students away from each other just because they didn’t get along the world was full of disppoinment and these two just needed to realize that and get over it.   
“Okay class, my name is Crowley, you can call me that or Mr. Crowley, we are going to do a project due next week simple but partners are needed Balthazar you’re with Anna,” Crowley rattled off more names and then smiled at Castiel, a smile that was bloodcurdling and had Castiel wanting to hide under a rock. “Dean Winchester you are with, Castiel Novak”. The entire class ceased talking and all heads swiveled over to them. Dean was froze in his seat.   
“Uh, I don’t mean to be disrespectful-“. Castiel began but before he could get anything else out Dean interrupted him.   
“I’m not working with him, you can flunk me now see if I give a ratsass”. Dean said bitterly.   
“Maybe you should care Dean, I remember how bad your grades were it’s a wonder you’ve been able to survive this long”. Castiel said with a scowl.   
“You don’t know shit, Novak shut your damn mouth before I shut it for you”. Dean stood up suddenly with a slap on the desk.   
“Alright that’s enough, I don’t know or care what happened between you two but you will be working together or you’ll be seeing Mr. Roman is that clear?” Crowley asked the two feuding ex-lovers.  
They both nodded with a frown, they both were not happy about this as the lesson went on Dean snuck glances at Castiel, he was still as hot as ever perfect jawbones, stubble, sex hair and the prettiest eyes he had ever seen, he missed though eyes being lit up not from anger but from passion and he miss being able to touch him without causing him pain. Dean shook himself, he needed to stop and remember that beating, he needed to remember what happened and that he needed to be straight.   
Castiel couldn’t help but wonder and hope, if Dean and him spent time together maybe Dean would come to his senses, he shook himself, he was with Balthazar they were happy although Balthazar was kind of a dick and not the best company when he was drunk Castiel was happy.   
“I don’t like it Dean, and your Dad wouldn’t either we both know it, God if he knew do you know what he’d do to you and Castiel?” Lisa said rubbing her hand over her face.   
“Well he isn’t going to find out, you’re good at keeping your mouth shut, you kept it shut that we aren’t even dating so just see it as another secret”. Dean told her, Lisa nodded. Lisa and Dean were helping each other out, Lisa was a lesbian with a son who was dating Dean’s bestfriend Charlie, and her parents wanted Ben, Lisa’s son to have a good life one with a father figure not another woman so that’s were Dean came along it helped Lisa’s parents shut up and it kept John happy. Well when John was alive, John died a couple months ago and Dean still wanted to make his Father proud even if he was dead.   
“Cassie, are you forgetting what happened the last time you had to work together? Dean gave you two broken ribs, a black eye, and a concussion and Gabriel pranked him so hard that he couldn’t walk straight for a week this is a very bad idea”. Balthazar told Castiel later that night.   
“Well that was when everything was still fresh, maybe he’s calmed down a little the Dean I know would never hurt me”. Castiel told Balthazar meaning every word, he hoped that the Dean he knew was still there, the last time they worked together it was two weeks after the fight and Castiel thought if he just kissed Dean then everything would back to normal, he was very wrong.   
“I may not know what happened but he’s bad news don’t get your hopes up”. Balthazar said turning away from him on the bed they shared, Castiel rolled his eyes at him and clapped his hands making the lights turn off in Balthazar’s apartment.   
The next day Dean got a call from an unknown number he answered it to find out it was Balthazar Castiel’s new boyfriend, calling to see if Dean was free to start working on the project later that day and Dean told him begrudgeiling that he was, they made plans to meet at the study hall which would be empty at 7.   
Castiel got there early and started his laptop up the project was simple and they worked fast, it wouldn’t take a week, Castiel was hoping for that at least that it would take two days and be done. About two mintues after Castiel’s laptop started Dean came in and set his bag down next to him, he cleared his throat and drew a deep breath.   
“Novak, we need to make something clear, just because we had history and we have to work together that doesn’t mean we can be friends”. Dean told him somberly.   
“You think I don’t know that? I’m not stupid you know, besides what makes you think I want to even know you anymore?” Castiel told him bitterly. Dean winced he deserved that, in everyway shape and form he definetly deserved to be treated like that. “Sorry, that was rude and we need to at least be civil so we can both make a good grade”. Castiel told him and Dean nodded before getting his notebook.   
Hours passed in silence, until Dean’s phone rang and because it was sitting on the table Castiel saw who it was, Sam, Dean on cue answered it on the first few rings and talked to his brother with a smile all thoughts of Castiel gone from his mind and every worry gone. When he hung up Castiel smiled but tried to hide it by dipping his head closer to his keyboard.   
“What’s so funny?” Dean asked with a scowl.  
“Nothing just nothings changed there, with you and Sam I’m glad”. Castiel said and then instantly regretted it. Dean’s face went emotionless and he nodded once. “I’m sorry I, its none of my buissness I shouldn’t have said anything”. Castiel went back to his work and mentally punched himself in the face.   
“No, its fine I remember how close you and him were”. Dean said, he thought back to the time when Sam found out he had left Castiel at John’s request he didn’t talk to Dean for a week.   
“Yeah we were, if I can ask how are Selina and him”. Castiel said nervously, he didn’t want to make Dean mad and face getting hit again.   
“Yeah, there fine, Selina actually talks a little now and stands, Sam is looking at graduating early”. Dean told him awkwardly, Castiel nodded and got back to work.   
More time passed in silence until Dean put his pencil down and rubbed his hand with a pained look Castiel stopped typing and smiled slightly. “Still have a no technology rule I see, you do know that this paper is supposed to be four pages, with a slideshow and a video right?” Castiel asked him his voice held a teasing factor but no body realized it.   
“Yeah it is not going to be fun but I just don’t understand computers”. Dean said with a genuine smile, Castiel decided he was going to keep the image of that smile in his mind for a while, it had been a while since he saw that. “So how about we take a break and talk, just because we can’t be friends doesn’t mean we can’t be friendly right?” Dean said, in all honesty Dean was curious, he wanted to know all about the family of Castiel’s that he got along with.   
“Yeah why not?” Castiel saved his document and closed his computer he crossed his arms and breathed, his fingers did hurt from typing away but probably not as much as Dean’s hand hurt.   
“So how is Lucifer?” Dean smiled at his nickname for Castiel’s oldest brother, his name was actually Luke but after one drunken night at Castiel’s house when Luke ran around the house screaming ‘I am the night! I am Satan! Fear me tiny mortal’. The nickname stuck.   
Castiel smiled at the fimalrity that hung in the air. “He’s good got his own law firm about a month ago”. Castiel said.   
“That’s awesome! I don’t even have to ask about Gabriel, I see him all the time when I visit home”. Dean said with an eye roll about a year ago Gabriel sought him out, yelled at him for hurting his brother, met Sam, and it was love at first sight. Dean hated it, he didn’t like the age gap but Mary could never be happier, they hid it for a while until after John died, then no one was around to care or so they thought.   
“What do you mean?” Castiel asked with confusion evident in his voice.   
“Gabriel and Sam and seeing each other, didn’t he tell you that?” Dean asked.   
Castiel shook his head, Gabriel hadn’t mentioned it and he sighed. “Dude I’m sorry he probably was going to tell you my bad”. Dean said, Castiel shook his head again.   
“Don’t worry about it, doesn’t uh, John have something to say about that?” Castiel asked nervously not wanting to speak of John, fearing Dean would remember and go back to lashing out.   
Dean cleared his throat “Well when they first started to see each other, they hid it no one knew, until a couple months ago, and no Dad doesn’t really think a lot about anything anymore”. Dean said biting his lip.   
Castiel was confused and it showed on his face, Dean sighed and rubbed a hand over his face hoping his eyes didn’t water like they always did when they talked about John. “Dad died in a freak hunting accident a couple months ago, a hunter mistook him for a deer and shot before looking he died in the hospital two days later”. Dean said and was proud of himself when his eyes remained dry.   
Castiel’s eyes got wide and suddenly hope sprung up from the ashes of their past love, until he remembered about Balthazar and Lisa he sighed and nodded. “How is your Mom?” Castiel asked, he loved Mary she was always super kind and sweet had even visited Meg in the hospital when she almost died.   
“She’s good, doesn’t like Lisa and loves Gabriel spoiling Selina like always”. Dean said with a short laugh.   
After a little more talking they got back to work until Castiel looked at the clock 1:12 in the morning, they needed to pack up. “We should probably stop for tonight how about tomorrow night, same time same place?” Castiel asked the other man, Dean nodded and stood, stretching his back and it showed a little bit of skin making Castiel gulp before standing up and packing up. They both went out the main entrance and split up then Dean turned back.   
“Hey!” Dean yelled. Castiel jumped and turned back. “I’m kind of glad we got partnered together Cas, and I want to apologize for my behavior before”. Dean told him.   
Castiel with surprised and smiled back at Dean. “Me too Dean, and I understand it was wrong of me to kiss you I was in all honesty, not in my right mind”. They split up after that and went their separate ways.


	3. That's All Over Now

Castiel got to his apartment soon after that, his plan was to go straight to bed back the figure sitting in the dark said otherwise. Balthazar turned the light on as soon the door closed making Castiel jump in surprise. “Where have you been?” Balthazar slurred, great he had been drinking Castiel thought and thought very hard before answering.   
“At the study hall working on Dean and I’s project, like I said we would be doing I told you not to wait up”. Castiel said, Balthazar nodded before sniffing and slapping Castiel’s high school year book on the coffee table, the book was open to the Prom page and when Castiel didn’t say anything about the picture of Dean and him Balthazar flipped to the cutest couple page.   
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Balthazar asked, everyone at school pretty much knew they lived together but no one really knew what happened to them, and Balthazar was new to the school he didn’t even know they lived together and thought their fight was over friendship.   
“I didn’t think it was important, its really not something I like to talk about”. Castiel told him reaching over to close the yearbook not wanting to look at the old him and how happy he looked.   
“No leave it open, I can’t believe you would hide this from me!” Balthazar grabbed Castiel wrist tight enough to bruise, Castiel winced, this was why he hated Balthazar but would never leave him. Balthazar was a violent drunk and most of his violence was toward Castiel, but he couldn’t leave because if he did not only would he not have a place to stay, but he would be alone and he hated being alone.   
Balthazar stood up flipping the chair he was sitting on in the process and slapping Castiel hard leaving one side of his face red and stinging. Balthazar walked to the door and slammed it shut rattling the windows as he did.   
The next day Castiel had a slightly purple eye and a bruise on the wrist, it was chilly enough were he could wear a light long sleeve shirt without getting looks and he could cover his eye with some cover up everything would stay hidden. He met Dean at the same place at the same time and this time the tension that hung in the air the day before didn’t exist anymore. Dean joked with him and if Castiel didn’t know better he flirted with him everything was fine, that is until Castiel made the worng move and the sleeve on his shirt came up revealing the bruise in the shape of fingers.   
Dean saw the edge of it and grabbed his forearm showing the rest of it. “Who the Hell did this Cas?” Dean asked him an edge of alarm to his words.   
Castiel froze he didn’t know what to say. “No one I uh ran into something at the house”. Castiel told him looking down.   
“Bullshit Cas these are the same marks I’ve seen on my Mom from my Dad is it that guy your dating? You can talk to me Cas”. Dean told the other man, Castiel thought and Dean was right he could talk to him, it would be nice to have someone on the outside with no connection to either of them knowing about it.   
“Ok, yeah it was Balthazar, he got drunk and he found the yearbook where we were voted Prom Kings and cutest couple and flipped, he gets violent when he drinks”. Castiel told him with his head hung low. Dean let go of his arm and rubbed his face he got up slowly and walked away, Castiel thought he was walking away because he was disgusted with Castiel but he walked to the wall across from him and punched it, hard and kept hitting the wall causing flecks of drywall to fly off, Castiel got up and fast walked over to Dean grabbing his fist and cradling it softly in his hand.   
Dean’s eyes got wet and before he knew it tears were spilling onto his cheeks and he was crying into Castiel’s shoulder, Castiel just hugged him and let him cry. “Its all my fault Cas”. Dean whispered. “If I never left you we would still be together and you wouldn’t be getting hit by someone who is supposed to love you”. Dean sat up and Castiel came to the realization that Dean still loved him, even if he never admitted it to himself, but Castiel couldn’t go back to Dean he needed to stay with Balthazar.   
“Dean it isn’t your fault you aren’t gay, you’re with a beautiful woman, we just need to fix your hand I have a first aid kit in my bag come on”. Castiel drug him over to the table and got his kit were he wrapped his hand, it was after the first wrap that he realized Dean was staring at his eyes, and the first time they’ve touched in a nice way since they’ve been together. “Why are you staring at me?” Castiel asked self concussionly.   
“Its just been a while since I’ve seen your eyes this close”. Dean said all he could think of now was Castiel and the feel of his body on top of his and the feel of his lips against his own. They were so close it would be so easy to just close the small gap and everything would just disappear.   
The door burst open and a frantic Jo entered the study room, she didn’t even glance at Castiel just went right to Dean, Castiel had never met Jo just heard about her from Dean she was his cousin and closest friend and a firecracker. “Dean you need to get home right now! Sam and Gabe are already at the hospital but you need to get there soon, I can’t take you I have my Mom and Bobby and the car is full”. Jo said in a rush, Dean was confused.   
“What’s going on?” Dean asked her, getting up and packing his stuff.   
“No time just go”. Jo said turning back and rushing out the door, Dean looked after her confused even more, he knew that she lived close by and was probably on her way to the hospital.   
As he was headed out the door he stopped and cursed “Shit, I don’t have a car, I let Lisa borrow Baby for the weekend”. Dean slammed down the bag and ran his hand over his face. “Fuck!” Dean yelled.   
Castiel thought, long and hard, and came to a decision, something happened to Mary so he needed to help Dean out it was the right thing to do. “I have a car, and knowing what I know I won’t be able to sleep until I know Mary is okay so how about I drive you?” Castiel asked.   
Dean looked at him with wide eyes and nodded. “Thanks Cas”. Together they raced to Castiel’s car and raced to the hospital.   
“I’ll just wait in the car”. Castiel told him when they arrived.   
“No, come on in Gabe is there, and I know my Mom and Sammy would love to see you”. Dean told him against his better judgement.   
Castiel nodded and followed Dean inside. After asking where Mary was and going to that floor Castiel saw Gabriel in the waiting room drinking coffee with his eyes closed pain over his features.   
When he opened his eyes they were full of tears “Cassie? Why are you blunk head here?” Gabriel asked with a broken voice.   
“I gave Dean a ride his girlfriend has his car and Jo told him Mary was in the hospital, we’ve been working on a project together and he told me about you and Sam so I thought I would come see for myself as well”. Castiel told him, hugging his younger brother.   
“Oh well I’m glad you guys aren’t fighting as bad as you were”. Gabriel said looking at Dean.   
“Yeah, we’re good but uh Gabe can I talk to you before I go see my mom?” Dean asked him, Gabriel nodded and followed him into a smaller section.   
“What’s up Deano?” Gabriel asked him.   
“About Cas, his new boyfriend Balthazar, gets drunk and hits him Gabe you got to do something”. Dean told him his voice slightly pleading.   
“Of course I’ll do something but why do care?” Gabriel asked him crossing his arms.   
“I-I care about him okay? There’s apart of me that still-“ Dean broke off before he said anything that might incriminate him.   
“Apart of you is still in love with him”, Gabriel said, and a beat Dean nodded. “Then fight for him! He still loves you, tell him how you feel and maybe you can work through your problems”. Gabriel said.   
“I can’t take it back! Look where I’m at we’re like Iraq now I can’t tell him that I love him!” Dean told him before Gabriel could respond however Sam rushed out wrapped his brother in his arms in a bone crushing embrace.   
“What’s happening with Mom?” Dean asked Sam.   
“Do you remember when Dad hit Mom and she hit the counter a couple years ago?” Sam asked angrily. Dean nodded. “Well it caused a blockage and the blaockage travelled into her brain, they don’t think she’s going to make it”. Sam told his brother grimly. Just like that every happy thought about Castiel and him flew out the window and all Dean could see was black as his head hit the lament floor beneath him.


	4. Cause Baby Now We Have Bad Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So happy that people are liking this story!!! I've been having a lot of ideas lately and very to none writers block so that's amazing! Many thanks to Cucoo4Cas for helping me out and giving me more inspiration just with her reviewing it helps so much!

Dean woke up about an hour later and groaned his head was killing him, and that’s when everything rushed back to him and he cursed himself for passing out, he could’ve missed saying goodbye to his Mom, without missing a beat Dean got up from chairs he was laying across before rushing to try and find his Mom’s room.   
Mary sat up in bed her hair laying across her shoulders and a smile on her face, she was holding Selina and laughing at a joke Castiel said, it seemed so domestic looking from the outside in, seeing how happy they all could’ve been, that is if Dean grew a pair and told his dad where to shove his medival thinking threw an open window. Dean sighed and knocked on the door.   
“Hey guys”. He said lamely.   
“Ah, the boy wonder is back tell me Deano do you ask to have such clumsiness or does it just come naturally?” Gabriel asked Dean with a raised brow, Dean glared at him but looked away when Sam turned to Gabriel and planted a kiss straight on the lips.   
“You guys are disgusting”. Dean said at the same time Castiel said “You guys are adorable”. They looked at each other for a brief moment before quickly looking away and clearing their throats.   
“How do you feel Mom?” Dean asked his Mother who on closer inspection looked fragile and weak, something he never thought he would see his mom look like.   
“Well when the headache first happened it hurt like a bitch, but with the nice meds and my granddaughter, not to mention finding out you and Castiel are back together I feel a lot better”. Mary smiled at her son before going back to the giggling baby.   
“No uh Mrs. Winchester –“ Castiel began before Mary interrupted him.   
“I go by Campbell know and you know to call me Mary”. She said fondly.   
“Sorry, Mary, Dean and I aren’t together he’s still with Lisa and I’m still with Balthazar”. Castiel explained gently. Mary looked between them and rolled her eyes.   
“I give a month or two”. Was all she said with a hint of a smile. Dean watched Castiel and his family talk and it was like they had always known each other, Sam and Castiel were as close as ever fanboying over Sam getting an early acceptance letter to Stanford.   
Jo, Ellen, and Bobby came later and hugged everyone except Castiel and Gabriel. After getting to know them a little though they warmed up to each other and soon the room was full of laughter and smiles. That is until the doctor kicked them out and they all parted ways.   
When they arrived at school it was raining and Dean was too stubborn to let Castiel drive him home so he dropped him off at his house and Dean walked from there. Until Balthazar came out shit face drunk and mad.   
“Where the Hell have you been and why the hell is he here?” He slurred.   
Dean saw red, he really wanted to deck him, but Castiel gave him a look that obvious said don’t worry about it.   
“His Mother is dying in the hospital, he didn’t have a ride so I gave him one”. Castiel said in a neutral tone. His eyes never leaving Balthazar’s face.   
“Get in the damn house Castiel before you get sick, and you Dean, stay the hell away unless your working on your project”. Balthazar grabbed the back of Castiel’s neck and squeezed, when Castiel winced in pain Dean didn’t care what look Castiel gave him and he launched forever separating Balthazar and Castiel as safely as possible and landing blow after blow on Balthazar, relishing the satisfying crunch of bones being broken against his knuckles.   
He was vaguely aware of Castiel pulling him away and far away in his brain he realized that, that probably wasn’t the best course of action. He looked at Castiel with wide eyes and fixed his jacket before taking off for his home across campus.   
As soon as he walked in the door he called Lisa over. “Man, I don’t know what happened Lis, one second I was mad and the next I was beating the shit out of his boyfriend, what if he realizes that I’m still Gay and confronts me? I have no idea what I’m supposed to do here”. Dean said leaning against the counter a cup of bourbon in front of him.   
“I can tell you what to do”. Lisa told him seriously, making Dean spin around and stare at her. “You can stop dodging everyone and just admit that we aren’t dating and you still like dicks and be happy for once Dean”. Lisa told him.   
Dean shook his head. “Ignoring the fact that you need me to pretend to be straight to get your parents off your back, I can’t just walk up to Cas one day in class and be like ‘hey dude you know how I punched you and teased you and gave your girlfriend drugs can we just forget about that cause I still love you’”. Dean said with a groan.   
“Okay first off, I can deal with my parents I’ve done it before not worried about it, but secondly Dean Henry Winchester! I can not believe you were the one that gave Meg Master’s drugs! Where did you even get them?” Lisa hit him on the chest with a dishrag.   
Dean sighed remembering that no one knew about Meg and how he was her dealer. “ Sam was going through Ruby’s stuff and found the rest of her stash he gave it to me cause he didn’t know what to do with it, I over heard Meg and Cas talking about she needed to stop with the drugs, I was selling her some pot anyway and gave her something strong, I had no idea she was going to go that hard with them”. Lisa shook her head and hit him once more before walking away.   
“It was an accident Cas will forgive you, now the punching him may be a little more difficult, here how about tomorrow we have a very public break up, and from then on you convice Cas to dump douche pants, and win him back! Show him you’ve changed, what is something you did when you were dating before?” Lisa asked.   
“Uh, after every fight I would clean the bathroom, and then we’d have sex” Dean told her with a grin.   
Lisa smacked herself in the forehead. “Dean Winchester you will be the death of me no that’s not what I mean, after he breaks up with Balthazar play the ‘remember when?’ Game, while your studying just start talking about past memories and then get his new number and send him funny youtube videos or something like that and then the next time you guys are close and all you can think of his planting one on him, then you pounce!” Lisa said complete with annoying faces.   
Dean nodded and rolled his eyes at her. “Okay, and how am I supposed to make Cas break up with his boyfriend? They live together which means he won’t have a place to live”. Dean told her.   
“Have you told his brother? Gabe?” Dean nodded warily and Lisa jumped in happiness.   
“Then let Gabriel handle this I’ll talk to him, and don’t worry about where he’ll live, worry about how he’s going to move his stuff, Charlie has an apartment complex remember? I got this covered”. Lisa told him, and Dean actually let himself hope, that this plan could actually work.


	5. Plan: Get Him Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little short but its full of awesome I actually love this chapter, updates may be a little weird i won't have a schedule anymore, i started working at Pizza Inn as a waitress and my hours are crazy! 12:30-2 and then 5-10:30 everyday split shifts i get a couple days off Sundays and Fridays so I will update as much as I can! Don't worry I am NOT giving up on this story I promise on everything Destiel and Sabriel i will finish this

The next day they began plan “Get Him Back” as Lisa called it. They met before to reherse their very public, very loud, and very mean break up fight. That’s when Dean decided he would never want to actually fight with Lisa, this girl was visicous.   
“Dean you are being way too nice about this, you need to be mean take all of your anger for Balthazar and focus it on me, we both know it isn’t a real fight and we are still best friends so don’t worry about me okay?” Lisa told him after his insult of being ‘a positive penny’ was as Lisa said “Not even an insult, like dude what does that even mean?”   
After finally getting it right they set a time and set out on their task, Dean was supposed to accuse Lisa of cheating with Charlie and the fight would escalate from there.   
It was time and Dean couldn’t be more nervous, what if he screwed it all up? He shook himself when he got three text messages, the first was from Sam updating him on how their mother was doing, the second was from Charlie: Stop worrying so much you’re going to get wrinkles we all got this. Dean smiled at that and nodded it gave him the confidence he needed and he as he read the last message he thought of every way this could go right instead of wrong. The last message was from Gabriel: I’m taking a chance with you big boy, I think you are much better for my brother than the douche he is with so I’m helping you guys with this crazy plan, don’t make me regret it. Dean smiled and put his phone away before realizing what he needed to go.   
He put his game face on before getting to Lisa and clearing his throat, she turned around with a smile and Dean listened as she went on and on about the plans she had with Ben and the two of them, they walked until they got close to a group of people and Dean let the shoe drop . “Lisa, I know that you’ve been seeing some girl behind my back”. Dean made them stop in the middle of the group and Lisa’s eyes widened.   
“How did you find out?” She asked her voice a broken hush.   
“Wow you don’t even try to deny it! I admit when I saw the picture I thought it was a little hot, but when I was told you weren’t drunk or high or anything I got pissed why the fuck would you cheat on me?” Dean asked raising his voice at her.   
“You don’t sastify me Dean, you make yourself happy and then you stop, at least with a girl I know we’ll both last long Charlie makes me happy more than I can say for little Dean”. Lisa said bitterly glancing down at Dean’s groin, Dean made a mental note to tease her about that later.   
“There’s nothing little about little Dean, and you aren’t so sasitfying either, always whining and complaining no wonder you turned into a lesbian and Ben’s Father left you who would want to stay with a whore like you? Oh wait you aren’t even sure who Ben’s Father is are you?” Dean yelled at her. Lisa’s face showed a brief moment of hurt before she put her gameface back on.   
“I may not know for sure who Ben’s dad is but there is one thing I know for damn sure, Hell will freeze over before you see either one of us ever again, you narasstic overcompensating faggot!” Lisa yelled before stomping off her heels making scuffs on the concerate as she left, the crowd was silent, everyone waiting for Dean’s reaction and being called a faggot when he did nothing but leave the crowd soon dispersed and he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.   
Reaching for his phone he noticed it was from Lisa and Charlie: Great acting job my friend! Phase one complete hope there’s no hard feelings you know we both love you, Castiel is getting his phone out and probably texting you. Before he was even done reading the message his phone buzzed again and he noticed they were right. It was Castiel.   
Couldn’t help but overhear your fight could we talk?-Castiel Novak.   
Of course Cas, I need sometime with my thoughts though and I need to visit my Mom could we meet at five and drive over there? We could talk in the car and I know she would like to see you again. –Dean  
Keep it between us? Balthazar is out of town so I’m free I’ll see you Dean.- Castiel Novak.   
Dean shook his head and put his phone away. He decided to make some lunch seeing as it was only 1:30 and he was supposed to be “stewing in his anger” as Lisa so kindly put it, so he closed the blinds of his apartment windows and sat with his sandwhich taking calculated bites and thinking.   
He needed to think of how he was going to get Castiel back, of course he would do what Lisa suggested the “Remember when?” game and get Castiel thinking about the good days, make him laugh, and then pounce. The only thing he was worried about was Balthazar, it was obvious the guy was controlling and if Cas ever left him, he didn’t want to see the result of that fight or what would come after. So Dean picked up his phone and texted his worries to Gabriel within mintues his phone alerted him that he had a picture message.   
Dean opened the picture and drew in a shocked breath, Gabriel had Balthazar sitting in a chair, basically tied up, the blonde man glared at the camera and Dean knew if he could the other man would be flipping off the camera. The caption at the bottom said “Don’t worry about him Dean-o no one hurts my brother and gets away with it remember? Now stop being a pussy and go win my brother back”. That was all Dean needed to hear he gathered his courage to look at his high school yearbook, the millions of pictures he took of the two of them , he stayed on the cold ground like that looking through old pictures and newspaper clippings until it was time to go meet Castiel.   
Castiel was nervous, he needed to talk to Dean about his beating up Balthazar the night before, but he also wanted to talk to him about what Lisa Breaden said, their was no way Dean was actually Gay he just pretended to be for Castiel. He tried calling Gabriel but all he got was voicemail, he tried calling Sam but again he got voicemail. Castiel didn’t even want to think of what could be going on over there, for the both of them to not be answering there phones and stopped trying. Looking at the clock he realized he should drive over to the library so he could pick up Dean. He breathed in a huge breath and focused on the task at hand.   
Together they drove in silence until they hit the freeway and Dean broke the silence. “I thought you wanted to talk Cas”. Dean told him with a smile. Castiel gripped the wheel in an attempt to focus.   
“Yeah uh, I just why did you hit Balthazar? I mean you’ve made it pretty clear we can’t be friends and you don’t feel like you used to so why react like that?” Castiel asked him stumbling over his words and keeping his eyes glued to the road.   
Dean took a deep breath, he should’ve excepted this, so he began phase 2. “Do you remember when we first met? You were being bullied by some douche and I was staying out of it, until he hit you, then I blew up?” Dean asked him, this was the perfect time he could answer Castiel’s question and get him thinking about the past. Castiel nodded and Dean continued. “I didn’t even know you, I don’t like seeing people be hurt Cas, espically people I love.” Dean said and then froze as he realized what he said shit it was too soon for that. “I mean I loved or shit, I fucked up”. Dean said.   
“I know what you mean Dean, don’t worry about it”, Castiel smiled at Dean and switched lanes carefully. “But I do have another question”. At Dean’s nod he continued, “What Lisa said, about you being a faggot, how did she know? I mean you aren’t Gay anymore, and we haven’t really told other people besides people who already knew about it, so was she just hitting where it hurt?” Castiel asked him gripping the wheel so tight his knuckles were white.   
“Cas, I was never Gay, I am bisexual, and Lisa is a selfish bitch who was cheating on me with our closest friend she was just hitting where she knew I would blow up which is why I didn’t”. Dean told him, it was scary how good he was at acting know and he gave himself a mental pat on the back.   
Cas let the subject drop and silence filled the car again, Dean reached over and turned the radio on and music filled the car, Castiel blushed when he realized what was in the CD player and Dean froze in his seat, it was AC/DC, a CD that Dean thought was lost, he had left in when he left Castiel and didn’t think he’d ever see or hear it again. The question was why did Castiel have it? Dean knew he hated that music, would complain whenever Dean played it and know it was playing in his car?   
“I thought I’d never hear this again, why do you still have it?” Dean asked sitting back and letting the music fill him.   
“Uh, I kept it I guess it grew on me if you would like it back you can have it, we just weren’t talking and you weren’t the most aprochable person”. Castiel said.   
Dean shook his head. “Keep it, and Cas I am sorry about my behavior and I hope you could forgive me”. Dean hated to apologize, everyone who knew him knew that and this was just another step in the direction to show that he’s changed.   
Castiel turned off of the highway and nodded. “Of course Dean, I understand why you did it”. After that neither of them spoke and Dean smiled as “Back in Black” filled the car, was this a sign? That Dean was going in the right direction with Castiel? Dean hoped that it was he didn’t know what he would do if he lost Castiel again.   
Mary was very happy to see Castiel again, and Dean watched from the doorway as they laughed and talked together, when they got ushered out by the nurses Dean told Castiel he’d catch up with him, at the looks Mary was giving him he knew she needed to talk alone.   
“Dean, I want you to know your Father was a very stupid man who had no right to break you and Castiel up, I had never seen you so happy before then when you were with him, today I see that same light in both your eyes and I know you are planning something, don’t let him go again Dean, that boy will be the greatest thing in your life. Gabriel told me about his boyfriend and Dean, he’s no good for him, Castiel is as much of family as you and Sam are, Gabriel too, and I need you too promise me something”, Mary paused allowing Dean, who had tears in his eyes but if you brought it up he’d deny it, to nod. “Keep him safe, get him away from that man and don’t let him go”. Mary told him, holding tight to his hand.   
“I promise Mom, never again, I love him and I will show him how much I love him”. Dean told her with conviction, Mary nodded and kissed Dean on the cheek shooing him out the door, no one realized that Castiel had hear their conversation, or that, that would be the last conversation Dean, Castiel or anyone would ever have with Mary Winchester.


	6. I got those Jet Pack Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short but this one needed to get out soon the next few chapters are going to be Dean and Cas getting closer and we haven't seen the last of Balthazar

They got the news hours later, Dean and Castiel decided they would grab lunch and relax before going back to school and being alone. Dean’s phone rang and the contact on the phone said Sammy, Dean answered with a mouth full of food which in retrospect probably wasn’t the best idea ever.   
He put it speaker knowing it was his brother and not caring if Castiel heard what he had to say. “Hey Sammy, what’s up?” Dean asked him, Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean.   
“It’s not Sam, Dean are you sitting down?” Gabriel asked him, his voice sounded tired and worn thin, Dean knew, if Gabriel was calling from Sam’s phone sounding like that, the news he was about to hear was not going to be good but still he asked.   
“Yeah, even still in town Cas is sitting right next to me, we stopped to eat and talk what’s going on Gabe?” Dean’s eyes went to Castiel’s face, as he saw his ex-lover looking worried.   
“Dean I hate to tell you this over the phone, but Mary died two hours ago, we came into her room and a priest was reading her last rights, when I asked why we hadn’t been informed they said they said they tried to call Sam and he didn’t answer and its all my fault Dean-o, Jesus he’s a mess you need to get here just please be careful”. Gabriel told him, and the line went dead, Dean’s entire world froze, everything seemed far away, he couldn’t even feel Castiel’s hand on his shoulder, couldn’t hear anything he was saying.   
It seemed surreal, his Mother was dead just like that, one second Mary was making him promise to keep Castiel around and cherish him, the next minute she was gone. The only thing that made Dean snap out of his stupor was the fact that Sam needed him, he was in the hospital right now, crying over Mary’s body and Dean wasn’t even there.   
“We need to go Cas we need, I need to go to Sam”. Dean said in a voice laced with emotion, Castiel nodded solemnly and quickly payed for the bill, and rushed out the door, it was strange to hear Dean actually sound like he had emotions, he usually hid them, even when they were together.   
Castiel drove fast, but cautious and when they got to the hospital, Castiel was the one who did all the talking allowing Dean to revel in his thoughts, he didn’t say a word until Dean found Sam and Gabriel who was holding Selina, whispering to the child snuggled against his shoulder, the child that would never really know the warmth of Mary Winchester, a light snuffled out to soon but a coward, someone who ruined every life he touched.   
Sam wrapped his arms around his brother and cried into his shoulder, that was when Dean broke down, clinging to Sam like a lifeline, Castiel had never seen Dean like that, not when they were together not when Sam told him he was going to be a dad, not when Ruby killed herself never.   
“He wasn’t even like this when John died, he just kind of sat there, he was more angry then anything. Cassie I need to tell you something and you can’t tell Dean you know”. Gabriel told him, he motioned to go to a different room and leave the two brothers to themselves. Gabriel shut the door behind them and put a now asleep Selina carefully down on a chair and sighed. “Dean is still in love with you and he told me, about Balthazar, you can’t stay with him Cassie”. Gabriel was straying a little bit from the plan but, he had a good feeling about this.   
“Gabe I can’t leave him”. Castiel told him rubbing his face in frustration.   
“Why Cassie? Why? You aren’t happy I haven’t seen you happy since Dean, and now you know that Dean wants you still you have an out”. Gabriel whisper yelled at him.   
“I have no place to live! I sold Mother and Father’s house long ago, and the money from that is tied up a thousand different things by the time I got it out, Dean would’ve moved on”. Castiel told him looking at his shoes. Gabriel sighed in what was taken as annoyance but in reality was joy, the plan was going in the best direction.   
“No worries little brother a very close friend of mine owns an apartment complex and there is an opening she offered it to me for no cost in exchange for watching the place in her absence.” Gabriel told him. Castiel thought and thought hard, he could do it, he could get out run away and never look back. He nodded and smiled.   
“If I do this, it has to be fast tell your friend that’ll I’ll do it but if Balthazar is there when I pack up it won’t be pretty”. Castiel told him worriedly.   
“ I will even call my Sheriff friend just in case, she’s a close friend of the Winchesters”. Gabriel told him with a small smile, Castiel was going along with the plan rather nicely, he didn’t think it would be this easy.   
They looked out the glass to see Dean and Sam walking that way, they opened the door and offered small smiles of sympathy. Dean hugged Castiel and it was the first sign of physical affection from Dean since that fight, Castiel melted into it and from over Castiel’s shoulder Dean raised a brow at Gabe who gave him a thumbs up.   
The plans was working perfectly, Dean was still in pain after Mary he didn’t know if he’d be the same ever again but he knew her last wishes was for him to never let Castiel go and that’s exactly what he planned on doing.


	7. Just Like Judy, Kind of Make June Feel Like September

The next day Dean began getting closer to Castiel, after telling Sam he could handle all the funeral preparations and deciding on Tuesday which was three days from then. Dean, Sheriff Mills and Gabriel all went with Castiel to help him move, excepting Charlie’s apartment to still be open for use, they got the call telling them otherwise on the drive over, Castiel’s head hung with a sad expression, he really wanted to get away from the abuse. Gabriel glanced over at Dean, Dean was thinking and remembering what his Mother told him just hours before she passed and he made a split second decesion.   
“You aren’t going back there Cas you’re staying with me”. Dean told him, his hands tightening over the steering wheel, there was small bumps on the road to getting Castiel back, but this bump could actually lead to something, Dean thought.   
“Are you sure Dean, I mean do you have enough room for me? I don’t want to impose”. Castiel said.   
“I have a guest room for when Sam comes over and its never been used because Sam never comes over because of Gabriel and Selina so you could stay in there, its a pretty good size”. Dean told him with a small smile, Castiel smiled back and nodded in surrender.   
They dropped Gabriel off at a caf where Sam was waiting and drove home, after walking inside and eating a small meal, they started to move stuff into the house, it took about three hours but that was only because they kept laughing at dumb things. To Dean it felt like the beginning of something, it felt like when they moved into that apartment for college. It felt easy and simple.   
When Tuesday came Dean woke up extra early, his mind just wouldn’t stay quiet, he kept thinking about what his Mother said to him, she was right, he never should’ve left Castiel his father was a stupid bigoted asshole and he was dumb for listening to him, he got dressed in a black suit and yellow tie, his Mother’s favorite color and stared himself down in the mirror, Sam said he looked different since Castiel and him broke up, he didn’t see it but maybe it was because he was so used to seeing himself.   
Dean went to his room and started digging through a box of photos, pictures of his Mom and Ruby when she was pregnant with Selina, and finally the one he was looking for graduation night, Dean and Cas stood in the living room of the room arm in arm brilliant smiles lit up their faces, he held the picture in his hand and dug the box until he found the picture of him and Lisa, he compared the two and his breath caught in his throat, he did look different, the happy glimmer in his eyes was gone and replaced by a stoic and hard as stone demeanor. Dean shook his head and made himself yet another promise, he would get Castiel back not only because his Mother wanted it, but because he deserved to be happy again.   
“Are you sure it’s okay that I’m here Dean?” Castiel asked again as they walked into the church in Lawerence.   
“Yes Cas Mom would’ve loved it if you were here”. Dean told him with a small smile. They sat together next to Gabe, and Sam, Selina was with a babysitter, Sam didn’t want her there. A minister came and talked about how sweet and amazing Mary was, how loved she was and then asked if anyone would like to speak, Dean saw this as a chance, he could go up and talk about his favorite memory with his Mom, the time he came out, or he could stay and talk to Castiel alone, either way today was the day.   
Dean stood up and made his way to the alter, buttoning his coat on the way, he cleared his throat and began to speak. “My favorite memory of my Mom is the day in my Sophmore year when I told her I was Bisexual, I was so scared that she would disown me, but I was in love, I had to get it out, because I was so scared if I didn’t I would lose the man I loved forever, she was cooking and I came the back door and just came out and said ‘Mom I think I love Castiel’” Dean took a breath and risked a glance at Castiel to see him crying silently. Dean gathered up his courage once again. “And she told me ‘Dean, if it took you this long to realize it maybe Sam is the smart one’ we laughed and she told me never to let him go, that we were good for each other”. Dean breathed in again and realized the wetness streaming down his face were tears not sweat but continued anyway.   
“I ended up not listening to her when John came back, I listened to him and what he thought was right, but I ended up losing the one person that I actually cared for, the one person who understood me, the last words my Mother ever told me was to never let him go”, Dean paused and stared straight into Castiel beautiful blue eyes and smiled a small smile “And I want my Mom to know even if she can’t see us wherever she is I want her to know that I don’t plan on letting Castiel get away that easily”. Dean walked off the stage and sat back down in his place, Gabriel was smiling slightly but trying to hide it.   
“Dean,” Castiel began but Dean silenced him, telling him they should talk later when they were alone. The funeral continued with people speaking of Mary’s greatness and warmth. When it was over they drove in silence back to Dean’s old house to have some snacks. Gabriel bought it so Sam wouldn’t have to move away from his childhood home, Dean was never so grateful to him.   
“We need to talk Dean and you can’t just keep avoiding me”. Castiel whispered next to him in the living room.   
“Not now Cas, when we get home”. Dean told him, he didn’t want to risk people overhearing or interupting him.   
They ate and socialized, Dean had heard enough of the ‘sorry for your loss’ and ‘great speech Mary was such a wonderful person wasn’t she?’ that he needed to get out of there now, he weaved his way through the crowd and finally found Castiel by the bar holding a bottle of water, studying it intently.   
“We need to get going Cas”. Dean told him breaking his concentration, he nodded and together they made their way to the door and into Dean’s car with a sigh. They drove in silence, neither one wanting to speak or when Castiel began to speak Dean just turned the radio up louder glancing at Castiel to see him huff in annoyance and cross his arms. He wanted to talk to him but he needed to think first, he also needed to get home safely and if he was talking to Castiel he wanted to focus on just him, not the road.   
When they got in the door Castiel stood in front of Dean with a frown. “Now can we talk or are you going to make some other excuse?” Castiel asked Dean angrily.   
Dean sighed and nodded. “Okay talk”. He sat down at the table and motioned for Castiel to sit next to him, Castiel sat across from him and crossed his arms.   
“You want to explain the scene you made at the funeral?” Castiel asked him.   
“I thought it was time it came out”. Dean said quietly.   
“Oh you just thought you would embarss me? Dean you destroyed my life when you left me I wasn’t the same for weeks and now you break up with Lisa and you decide what? Let’s play around with Castiel again? Fuck you Dean Winchester I’m not playing these games, just you can turn around and hurt me again, I’ve had enough of that”. Castiel stood up fast, causing his chair to spill over. Dean ran after him and grabbed his arm before he left, gently enough were it wouldn’t bruise but firmly enough that it would make him pause, which he did.   
Castiel spun around and glared at him, hotly his eyes were blue fire angry like waves during a really bad storm. “I’m not trying to play you Cas, I don’t want to hurt you that’s not what I’m trying to do here”. Dean told him, his world was spinning.   
“Then what are you trying to do here Dean?” Castiel asked angrily.   
“This”. Dean grabbed Castiel chin and crushed their lips together in a heated kiss, after a short pause Castiel responded relaxing and melting into Dean pushing him into a wall roughly, slipping his tonuge into Dean’s mouth causing the taller man to moan in response, they kissed like that for what seemed like hours before they broke apart and Dean said three words that he hadn’t said in years. “I love you”.


	8. I'm The last One You'll Ever Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! So new chapter yay! But alas school is starting soon and this year I'm getting all A's SO I will be focused on schoolwork and fanfic and work and everything else so if I don't update a lot after the 20th just bare with me I promise this story will get finished!!!!

 Two hours later had Dean sitting alone in his kitchen staring at his hands and Castiel who knows where, Castiel had ran out of the house and down the road after Dean said the L word, he said he needed time to think, so Dean gave it to him, but damn it, it had been two damn hours! How long did it take someone to think? Dean sighed and rubbed his hand over his face in frustration. A tiny timid knock brought him out of his thoughts and he rushed to the door hoping to see the blue eyed man on the other side, only to be met with Lisa in a hoodie, that’s when he realized he gave Castiel the spare key when he moved in. He stepped aside and let her in she gave him a quizzical look but followed him to the kitchen anyway.

 “Where is he?” Lisa asked after making sure they were alone.

 “I have no clue, something happened and he ran out”. Dean told her grabbing a water bottle from the fridge and handing it to her.

 She took it with a smile. “What happened? Did he find out that we’ve been conspiring for weeks to get him back?” Lisa asked taking a drink of her water with a small hiccup.

 “No, today was Mom’s funeral, I made a speech about how her last words were to never let Castiel go, he confronted me about it thought that I was just playing with him, I kissed him, then I used the L word and he ran out, he texted me a little after that and said he needed time to think that was two hours ago”. Lisa coughed, and hit her chest. “You said the L word? Damn you really do love him, just give him some time I’m sure he’l be back soon”.

 Soon later that door swung open and Lisa swore, Castiel was standing there with wide eyes. “So I leave and you invite the ex over who cheated on you? Smooth Dean”. Castiel said with a sneer.

 Dean took a deep breath and stood up. “Lisa and I never really dated, we pretended to so my Dad would get off my back and her parents would get off hers, she’s a lesbian she never really like me and I never really liked her”. Dean said standing up and walking closer to Castiel. “I’m glad you’re back Cas”. Dean told him smiling, Castiel smiled back at him and then glanced at Lisa, hinting that he wanted to talk in private.

 “I’m just going to go and pick Ben up from Charlie’s and eat something see you guys later”. Lisa said picking up her purse and rushing out the back door after fixing her hood. Castiel’s smile faded slightly and he looked down at his shoes before beginning to speak.

 “Dean I know you have high hopes and you want us to be the same again but I’m scared”. Castiel told him honestly, his voice broke slightly, he wanted Dean back but he didn’t want to be hurt again.

 “There’s nothing to be scared of, before I was so focused on what my Dad thought and how I had t be the man and show him how manly I am but now, he’s gone and he killed my Mother I want nothing to do with him and I should’ve listened to Mom, I never should’ve let you and now I don’t plan on it ever again, just give me another chance baby, I swear I’ll make it up to you”. Dean spoke with passion his green eyes lighting up his entire face.

 Castiel threw away his fears at Dean’s words, this was the Dean he knew this is the Dean he loved and this is the Dean he would spend forever with. Castiel grabbed his chin and crushed their lips together in a heated kiss, soon clothes were coming off and hands were grabbing smooth skin. Dean broke the kiss first looking into Castiel’s eyes and smiling. “I don’t think I’m ready to go all the way just take it slow”. Castiel said.

 Dean nodded and went back to kissing his perfect lips, soon Dean was on his knees grabbing Castiel’s belt and looking at him with a question in his eyes, Castiel nodded frantically before the belt was off, Dean’s mouth was wrapped around Castiel’s dick sucking and licking like a champ, Castiel’s hand was buried in Dean’s hair and he held him in place. It was long before Castiel was coming down Dean’s throat and Dean was swallowing every last drop.

 They lay in Dean’s bed that night, lazy kisses and meaningless talk was shared and they before they knew it, it was morning. Neither one had slept but neither one cared, they didn’t one want to spend such meaningless time away from each other even if for a few hours. They had spent enough time apart.

 “Ugh Dean, you left a giant ass hickey were everyone can see!” Castiel exclaimed while they were both getting ready for classes.

 “Yeah well so did you, besides I like to mark my territory”. Dean said with a smirk, He pulled Castiel into a deep kiss and after looking at the clock decided they could get a quick make out session in before their first class.

 Dean was very wrong Castiel walked into his first class of the day with not only a hickey but 25 minutes late. He took his usual seat after seeing the glare his instructor gave him, today was not a good day for Castiel it turned out, his usual seat was next to Balthazar, who back from his trip to God knows where, was looking at him curiously.

 “Hey why is all your stuff gone?” Balthazar asked him, leaning into his space, he smelled like cheap cigarettes and abuse and Castiel didn’t understand how he could ever handle that smell. All he could think of was the smell of leather and apples, the smell of Dean.

 “Not now Balthazar later”. Castiel whispered angrily.

 They both remained silent and when class was over he was met with Lisa, standing outside the door with a smile. “Hey Dean wants to meet you for lunch before English”. She told him, he smiled and nodded, but before either of them spoke or made a move to leave Balthazar was there, he pushed Castiel up into a corner and smiled at him.

 “Where’s all your stuff”. He asked. Castiel pushed Balthazar away and frowned at him.

 “I moved out and we are over in case you somehow missed the four voicemail's I sent you”. Castiel told him crossing his arms.

 “Oh are we now? I don’t think so, Cassie”. Balthazar said with a sneer. That’s when he noticed the hickey Dean left the day before. “What is this? Becoming a little whore are we? It’s that Winchester boy isn’t it? Wow you are pathetic”. Balthazar slapped Castiel across his cheek and that’s when shit went down as the gossipers would say as they spread the news across campus.

 Tiny Lisa Braeden stepped forward fury in her brown eyes, she brought her fist back and connected with Balthazar jaw the bones making a satisfying crunch before she hit his face to pulp. It took Castiel, and two other guys to get her away from him and down the hall before finally calming down slightly.

 Thats how Dean found them Lisa still red and fuming and Castiel with a huge red mark across his face from when Balthazar’s hand connected with it. “I’ll rip his lungs out!” Dean yelled.  

 "Don’t he isn’t worth it, can we just eat before something else happens I’m starving”. Castiel told him, Dean sighed but nodded sitting down and taking Castiel’s hand, they weren’t in the clear yet but they were almost there, and they would be happy together. Someday.


	9. And I'm Tryin Find My Peace of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter yay!!! Please don't kill me! Also i started a facebook page for my writing if you want to go like it I'll be posting updates as to where i am on the story and so you guys can leave me words of encouragement or whatever! I'm in the process of starting a twitter for it as well! Also if anyone wants to follow me on tumblr my name is destiel-atemy-sociallife.tumblr.com   
> the facebook page for my writng is right here ----> https://www.facebook.com/pages/DeansBaby11283/977076705688947?sk=timeline

It was two whole weeks later that Sam and Gabriel found out that they were together, and it came up in a rather awkward and extremely embarrassing way Castiel left Dean for the first time since they got together to spend time with his brother and in return Sam brought Selina and hung out with Dean for the day, they had both agreed they’d tell them but in a better and more brotherly way than the way they did. Gabriel and Castiel went to a Burger King, and then they were going to watch a movie, they never did get to the movie. Castiel ordered his usual, he sat down putting his phone on the table and digging in swiftly. After a while he excused himself to go to the restroom, leaving his phone at the table.

    Now when asked, Gabriel said it was apart of the plan to text Dean from Castiel’s phone and flirt with him, Dean swears that was never apart of the plan he knew about, but the truth will never be known. Gabriel grabed Castiel’s phone and opened the messages labeled “Dean” and what lay there scarred him for life, Dean must have sent it when Castiel was in a different class then him, it as a picture of Dean sprawled out on the bed cowboy hat resting on his head and nothing else his dick was laying across his chest and Dean was giving the camera the worse case of bedroom eyes ever. Gabriel immediately threw the phone right at the same time Castiel came out of the bathroom and approached the table his eyes widened and he cleared his throat.

   “Care to explain baby bro?” Gabriel asked from behind his hand.

    “We were going to tell you both that we’re back together and it was definitely not going to be like this, how about you just forget you saw that”. Castiel asked gruffly.

    “I you best believe I will be trying to scrub that image from my mind for the rest of my natural accurying life Cassie, and believe me I am happy for you and Dean-o I’m tired of seeing him mope around and look and Sammy and I like a dying puppy, but are you happy little bro?” Gabriel asked his brother, for once being comepletely serious no hint of sarcasm at all.                Castiel smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah Gabe I am, this is what I wanted, for a while I tried to get rid of it after what Dean did to me I didn’t think we’d ever be able to be in the same room as him let alone date him again, but now I’m glad that Mr. Crowley partnered us up for that project” Castiel froze and groaned. Gabriel gave him a what the fuck look and Castiel just rolled his eyes before grabbing the phone and calling Dean.

   “Yeah”. Dean answered, on the first ring like he had been waiting for Castiel to call him.

   “Are you aware that Mr. Crowley’s project is still not complete and due in three days?” Castiel asked him,

    Dean cursed and Castiel heard him open his bag. “Hey uh, don’t worry Sammy’s smart we got this and you and Gabe can proof read it when we’re done sound good?” Dean asked.

   Castiel looked at Gabe and smiled. “Actually we’d get it done a lot faster if we all helped, not to mention, Gabe would like to speak with you”. Castiel smiled at the look of pure hatred on Gabriel’s face and shrugged at him.

   “Yeah okay uh Sam wants to talk to you to so whenever you get here is fine”. Dean said nervously.

    “Okay Dean I’ll be seeing you soon”. Castiel hung up the phone trying to stifle his laughter at Gabriel’s face of disgust.

    “How in the world am I supposed to be able to look at Dean and talk to Dean about being good to you when that image is still branded in my mind?” Gabriel asked Castiel.

     Castiel shrugged. “How about you just don’t fanstize about my boyfriend’s penis Gabe?” He asked him,

    Gabriel glared at him. “Easy I’ll just think of my boyfriend’s I mean he is bigger in every meaning of the word”. Gabriel told him, and he laughed at the look Castiel gave him in return. “Karma is a bitch little bro isn’t it?” After eating their food, they jumped in the car and all the teasing and underlying worriedness of Gabriel away from Sam and Selina went away, the difference Castiel saw in his brother with a simple movement and every second they got closer to Sam and the small family they’ve built together made him realize that he’s never actually seen his brother happy like this before and that fact silenced Castiel for the thirty minute car ride back to the house.

    Dean watched as Sam’s rugrat ran around the backyard giggling and spraying her dad with the water hose. “So uh Sam if Cas and I were back you know like as a couple what would you think of that?” Dean asked him looking at his feet.

   Sam froze and opened his mouth, allowing Selina to spray him with the hose right in the nose making him cough and smile at her, he grabbed his daughter with a growl and set her down to be dried off with the towel he brought out. “If you and Cas were finally back, I would say it’s been a long time so I think he needs a new ‘hurt my brother and I’ll bury you speech’ but other than that it’s about damn time Dean”. Sam wrapped his two year daughter in a towel and hugged her.

   Dean watched his brother with his daughter and smiled, he wanted be that happy with Castiel, he wanted to have a child that he could love and teach about cars and Cas could teach about cooking and bees. He wanted to be woken up at all hours of the night because his son or daughter need another feeding or had a nightmare. He wanted to be domestic with Castiel.

   Through out the night Dean watched Castiel play on the floor with Selina, he watched as Sam and Gabriel teased each other about cooking and he seen with his own eyes the love that Gabriel had for not only Sam but the small child who would never know her mother, who would only know this short sarcastic, brown haired, little shit. Sure at first that didn’t fly well with Dean, Gabriel was raising his niece? Fuck that, but looking at how Gabriel handled the small child and played with her and made jokes he realized he would rather have Gabriel raising her then Ruby.

   After Dean and Castiel went home Gabriel and Sam went to their separate rooms angry glances the only acknowledgement the two had before going to sleep, it had been this way for weeks, acting happy around other people but never really being happy.

  Gabriel wanted to fix it, he really did but the way Sam was acting he couldn’t even talk to him, and he wanted to talk to him clean and sober, something Sam never was.

   Sam wanted to get clean and sober but every time he did it felt like he was being ripped apart, but he hated the looks that Gabriel gave him like he knew when he excused himself to the bathroom that he was shooting up and he hated how Gabriel ran off to another room the moment he found out what he was doing. Days went by and Gabriel and Sam did the same thing, ignoring each other until a family member came by or called.

   They needed to fix this but neither one knew how, it wasn’t until Thanksgiving, four months after Mary Campbell died, that Dean and Castiel go wind that things were not perfect in Casa Erotica el Novak, and it was not in the way anyone wanted them to know. Selina was sitting in a smaller chair her tiny hands clapped in front of her waiting for dinner to begin Castiel kept making funny faces at her to make her giggle causing Dean to smile huge at the look on Castiel’s face.

   Gabriel came down stairs with a frown, the only one who caught it was Castiel who raised a brow at him. “Its nothing baby bro, just hungry”. Gabriel told him but Castiel knew he was lying to him.

   Hours passed with no Sam and Dean was starting to get worried, he got up with a small excuse of going to check on Sam who had went to the bathroom three hours ago and hadn’t returned.

   Dean knocked on the door with his hand on the knob and his ear pressed against the wood. “Sammy? Dude foods getting cold you alright?” Dean asked worry evident in his voice, when he got no response he turned the knob only to find it locked, that was strange, Sam never locked the door, it was a trigger, when Ruby died he was right outside the door yelling and begging her to open the door, it was locked and when John finally got the door opened it was too late Ruby was hanging from the shower rod, her eyes lifeless and her throat puruple and broken. Dead, her two week old baby asleep in the next room never to know her young mother.

   Sam was so devastated that if anyone locked the door, he had flashbacks, and cried, to this day he never locked the door, so the fact that the door was locked now, sent alarms and red flags to Dean he hit the door one more time.

   “Sam!” Dean yelled, he could faintly hear the sound of chairs scraping against tile, and knew that Castiel and Gabriel were coming his way, he just prayed that they had the sense to keep Selina out, he had no idea what awaited him on the other side of the door.

    When Gabriel got to Dean, and saw the terrified look in his eyes his life went to slow motion it felt like he was under water, he faintly heard Dean say. “Hope you got home owner insurance, Gabe”. Before breaking the door down, and seeing Sam in the floor face down in his own vomit and blood, from when he hit Gabriel thought.

     Sam’s needle and balloon of heroin was sitting on the counter, but Sam was lifeless on the floor. Dean kicked into action, his hear beating fast in his chest, he just lost his mom he couldn’t lose his brother too. He shook his brother by the shoulders yelling at him to just please wake up. When he looked at Castiel for help he saw the open syringe and froze, there was no way his brother was on drugs, he would’ve saw it, thinking back Dean realized all the things that he should’ve seen then, Sam being jitteriy and jumpy, he felt like the worst brother ever for not protecting him.

    Castiel crouched down and offered Dean a small nod of approval when he got his phone out of his pocket and called 911.

     “Gabe I know this is hard for you but I need you downstairs with Selina she can’t see this”. Gabriel nodded and walked back down the stairs in a stupor. Castiel pressed his fingers against Sam’s neck and breathed a sigh of relief, he had a pulse, it was faint but there. “Tell them he has a pulse, he is unresponsive and it a possible overdose”. Castiel told Dean who nodded. Minutes later the paramedics arrived taking over from when Castiel began doing CPR, Dean rode with them, while Castiel and Gabriel dropped Selina off at Lisa’s at Dean’s request, and sped off to the hospital Gabriel prayed the entire way.


	10. All Hell Breaks Loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got this one out! Sorry about the wait guys but here you go! I'm not sure I like how I wrote Dean in this chapter tell me what you think of him and the chapter as a whole?

Dean had never felt worse for not noticing his brother’s addiction, looking back on it, it should’ve been obvious but he had never thought his brother would do that. Sam was lucky to be alive, when the doctor told him everything that happened to Sam Dean’s stomach dropped, his brother had a concussion from when he dropped, a minor heartattack, he had pneumia from the vomit in his lungs, they suspected stroke but wouldn’t be able to tell anything until later that day. They suspected that there was still heroin in his bloodstream so they were giving him drugs to block it and safely get it out of his system. 

“To be completely honest Mr. Winchester, if your brother wakes up it’ll be a miracle, hes sustained a lot of injury both to his brain and his heart, for right now we’re staying hopeful but we put him on a respirator and a feeding tube, still if I were you I would make final preperations for your brother, it was very touch and go we lost him twice both for a minute that coupled with the amount of time he was upstairs it isn’t looking good”. The doctor nodded solemnly and walked away, Dean decided he hated him, who was this guy to tell him he was going to lose his brother? That his niece would not only grow up without a Mom but a Dad as well? No way in Hell was he going to give up on Sammy. 

Castiel sat in the waiting room numbly holding his brother’s crying form, his mind couldn’t stop thinking, how could he not have known? How could Dean not have known? Castiel sighed as Gabriel sat up sniffing and wiping a hand over his face. “I’m going to go find Dean”. Castiel told him, Gabriel nodded and stared ahead, eyes glassy and unseeing. 

It didn’t take long to find Dean, he was in Sam’s room sitting by him, staring at him, he looked up when Castiel walked in he looked up and smiled slightly. “ Hey Cas,” Dean sniffed slightly and wrapped his arms around him, Castiel wrapped his arms around him and tucked his face into his shoulder and that’s when Castiel broke down the tears finally sprung free and Dean just held him, they stayed like that for about five minutes before Castiel separated from him. 

“How is he Dean? Will he have any lasting repercussions?” Castiel asked him just as Gabriel hestitanly stepped into the room, Dean made a mental note of questioning him later about his involvement with this. 

“He uh has pneumonia from when he threw up and a concussion, a minor heartattack, it doesn’t look good that he’ll wake up and Sam has it stated on his medical forms that he doesn’t want to stay hooked up to machines longer then a week, the doctor told me they lost him twice each lasting for a minute that along with the time he was out means he could have brain damage. We may even have to teach him to walk and talk again”, Dean paused and his voice shook. “The doctor told me to begin final prepartions, how am I supposed to bury my brother right after my mom?” Dean sat down and covered his face with his hands, Castiel got behind him and rubbed his back reassuringly. 

Gabriel carefully walked over to Sam’s sleeping form, he couldn’t think of him as anything but sleeping without breaking down again. He whispered in Sam’s ear his voice breaking and he felt like he was going to die. “You need to wake up Sammy, please if not for me or Dean for Selina, she’s needing you, Sammy I need you”. Gabriel sniffed and back away. 

“Gabe could I talk to you?” Dean asked him. Gabriel nodded and Castiel gave him a look that said “Don’t start anything, he’s just as broken as you are”. Dean nodded.   
They walked outside, where the nurse pointed that they could smoke. Dean lit a ciggerate and exhaled with a sigh. “Did you know about this?” Dean asked facing away from Gabriel. 

Gabriel cleared his throat. “Yes I did”. He told him, Dean turned around sharply. 

“What the fuck do you mean you knew my brother was addicted to heroin and you didn’t tell me or try to stop him?” Dean said angrily he began to shake he was so angry at the shorter man. 

“You don’t think I tried to help him? I tried so hard Dean but when he’s high he’s basically I different person and he shoved me, remember about a few months ago I had a brace on my hand? I tried to stop him when he tried to shoot up while he was still high he flung me back and my arm hit the sink, we got into fights every week we haven’t been sleeping in the same bed since then. I wanted to tell you Dean but I didn’t know how to break it to you I didn’t know what to do”. Gabriel shook his head tears streaming down his face. 

“How could I not know this was happening to my brother? Gabe we’ve been close since we we’re kids! Where was he even getting it?” Dean asked. 

Gabriel wiped his eyes and sniffed. “He uh, didn’t really ever say but he had a burner phone in his top sock drawer along with another three balloons of heroin. I could go get it for you?” Gabriel asked him. 

Dean shook his head. “No I need to drive it’ll me help out thank you, just stay with Sam and keep talking to him, I think he can hear us and maybe he’ll wake up if he hears we love him”. 

“Dean he knows that we do but I’ll stay, just drive safe. I don’t think my brother would be able to stand it if you got hurt too”. Gabriel told him with a slight smile. Dean nodded and walked toward his car. 

When he got in his car and half way down the road he turned the radio on, Lynard Syknard filled the car and he let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He let the music wash over him and relax him until he pulled up at Gabriel and Sam’s place, he put Baby in park and turned his beloved car off before stepping out. It was hard to be back here and he had to stop walking and take a deep breath before continuing his path to Sam’s room, it used to be his parents room and that made it that much worse. 

Dean opened the drawer Gabriel told him to and had to sit down, the drawer was full of balloons of heroin, needles, and dozens of pill bottles. Dean kept his cool as he went into the kitchen and got a plastic Walmart bag and began filling the bag with everything in the drawer. Finally, he found the phone and turned it on, it only had one number in it and Dean couldn’t believe his eyes as he saw the name. Meg. His dealer was fucking Meg, guess he kind of deserved that after being Meg’s dealer. 

Everything he kept under the surface since finding out about Sam came bubbling up to the surface and suddenly he couldn’t control himself anymore and he ripped the dresser drawer out and threw it against the wall, the drawer shattered the pieces and the wall had a giant hole, but it wasn’t enough for Dean he flipped the dresser and ripped the blankets off the bed, he didn’t realize he was screaming until he got to the full length mirror and saw his face, his fist connected to the glass before he could stop himself and the glass shattered the pain in his hand brought him back to himself, he knuckles were split open and he was pretty sure that he had glass in the wounds. 

Dean grabbed the bag with the drugs in it and the burner phone before walking to the front door, a redhead stood in the doorway frozen in shock, she was wearing a Harry Potter shirt and the house key was in her hand. “Who the fuck are you?” He said bitterly, the young girl cleared her throat and walked into the house closing the door behind her. 

“I thought you would’ve recognized me from Lisa’s house that one time”. The woman told him, Dean nodded and sat down for a second. 

“You must be Charlie, sorry I’m a little out of it today, what do you need?” Dean said with defeat evident in his voice. Charlie sat down next to him and smiled. 

“I was just getting some more clothes for Selina and some of her toys”. Charlie said softly. “It seems like you might need someone to talk to though, and someone to help you out with your hand”. Charlie said. 

“Yeah I guess I should get that glass out of there, but you don’t need to hear my problems Charlie”. Dean told her, she pat his leg and walked to the kitchen looking for the first air kit, when she found it she made small noise of victory and grabbed a bowl.   
She sat in front of him in her chair and motioned for his hand, he gave it to her and sighed. “I suggest you start talking or me digging into your hand is going to hurt a lot more”. She told him with a smile. 

“I guess you want to know how this happened?” Dean asked her. 

“No I’m guessing the crashing and screaming I heard from upstairs when I came in is what happened what I want to know is why”. Charlie started working her tweasers into his knuckles and grabbed a sliver of glass, she took it out and put it into the bowl. 

“I’ve been holding everything inside about Sam and his over dose and I just exploded, after finding out he’s been doing more then heroin and his delear is Meg Masters, I just lost it”. Dean shrugged and Charlie nodded her understanding. 

“I think it’s time you heard a story”. Charlie told him, she continued her work cleaning his wounds. Charlie sighed. “ When I was younger my family was a little, different, my Mom and Dad never really were around and because of that my brother and I got into some bad shit, he got into a gang and ended up getting shot and killed in a gang fight when I was seventeen, he was fourteen. I got into hardcore drugs heroin, meth, cocaine, and ecstasy. I wasn’t the best person to be around I was walking zombie, one night when Lisa found out she was pregnant with that jackass rapist’s baby I reached my limit I went in the bedroom, shot up, smoked some meth, took some ecstasy and woke up in the hospital two weeks later, Meg was my dealer even back then Dean. I hit rock bottom and when they put me through rehab I cursed the day they were born I hated them but no matter what I said then I am so thankful to Gabriel and Lisa for helping me”. Charlie smiled up at Dean when she finshed wrapping his hand. 

Dean couldn’t believe hearing what he heard, Charlie the nicest person he had heard of, was into drugs he smiled back at him and sighed. “How long have you and Gabriel known each other?” He asked he didn’t even know that Charlie and Gabriel knew each other at all. 

“A long time since Junior High, we were really close and then stopped being close, and when I found Lisa we got close again”. Charlie sighed and stood up offering her hand to Dean, who took it and stood up. “The point is it may seem when Sam wakes up that he hates you, and he’ll say some awful things because he wants the drugs, but you have to remember something, the drugs almost killed him they aren’t good for him you and his family are what’s good for him. The doctors are probably telling you to give up on him don’t, don’t make those prepartions just stay with your brother”. Charlie touched his shoulder lightly before going upstairs to Selina’s room to grab her stuff. 

Dean thought hard about what she said, she was right, this was the right thing to do, but he needed to get back in case Sam woke up, he nodded and picked up the bag and felt in his pockets for the burner, before he went to Sam again he needed to talk to Meg. Charlie came back down the stairs with a tiny bag full of clothes for Selina and a box of toys. 

“Thank you Charlie, uh do you know where I could drop these off or how to dispose of drugs?” Dean asked motioning to the bag, she nodded and smiled at him. 

“Lisa flushed mine and then just throw the bags in the dumpster or something”. Charlie told him, she made her way to the door and went to leave. 

“Uh, Charlie I just wanted to say thank you for sharing that”. Dean told the redhead, he understood why Lisa loved her so much, she was a great person. 

“Anytime, and when Sam wakes up, make sure you let Lisa know. She’s going crazy”. Charlie smiled at him and left him alone with his thoughts. 

Dean sighed and went to the downstairs bathroom before flushing all the drugs down the toilet, after he disposed of the baggies and bottles in the dumpster before texting Meg and telling her to meet him in the park in ten minutes. He got the confirmation text and grabbed his keys before leaving the house. 

Ten minutes later found him in the park sitting on a swing waiting for Meg Masters, he noticed her black hair before noticing her, he stood up and marched over to her, she froze and looked around undoubtly looking for Sam. “He’s not here, that was me we need to talk Meg”. Dean told her, his anger evident in his voice, the shorter girl nodded and motioned for the picnic table. Dean sat and Meg followed her movements were short and tense and Dean took pleasure in the fact that she was scared of him. 

“Before you ask, I started dealing to Sam long before you tried to kill me”. She told him, her voice shook slightly. 

“I wasn’t going to ask but thanks for the confirmation, my question is why would you sell to Sam and not tell me?” Dean asked as calmly as he could but he knew he sounded pissed still. 

“When Sam first came to me it was for pot, not a big deal right, I wasn’t worried then he found me at a party and asked for some Aderall still not a big deal the kids a brain of course he wanted the study drug. After you tried to kill me he came to me with bigger requests, it started as just more of the same thing then he asked for cocaine and before I knew it he wanted heroin, but he was violent he didn’t look like your brother Dean he looked, rabid I wanted to tell you but I was scared if Sam found out he would do something to me”. Meg told him, she sounded like she was telling the truth, Dean rubbed his face with his hand for a little thinking, he kept hearing that Sam is violent on the drugs.   
He nodded at Meg.  
“I didn’t try to kill you by the way, yes I wanted to keep you away from Castiel but I wasn’t trying to kill you that was an accident”. Dean told her, Meg nodded her understanding and stood up when Dean did. 

“I hear you and Castiel are dating again?” Meg asked him, Dean nodded and smiled. “Take good care of him or I will find you”. Meg told him seriously.

Dean nodded and mock saluted her before getting in his Baby and driving back to the hospital.   
Dean knew that Sam would wake up and when he did he was going to rehab and getting better, he wanted his brother back and this monster that took his place to die, this was the only time in a long time that he took John Winchester’s words to his heart. “Take care of Sammy”. 

“Don’t worry Sammy, Dean’s here”. He told him when he got back. Dean was going to stay here with Sam until he woke up and he was going to stick by him. “That’s my job isn’t Sammy? Take care of my dumb little brother right? Remember when you came to me and told me that Ruby was pregnant? You were so scared but I told you to be there, you did so good Sammy, I’m proud of us”. Dean pat his arm and turned the TV on putting it on some dumb lawyer show that Sam liked, he stayed like that until Castiel and Gabriel got back from the cafeteria, Castiel handed Dean a burger, fries and a soda which Dean took happily they all settled in for the night and one by one fell asleep on Sam’s arm(Dean), Sam’s leg(Gabriel) and the tiny couch(Castiel). 

The nurse almost said something but decided it could fly for one night, she closed the curtain to give them some privacy before going to her next patient.


	11. Maybe Love Isn't What It's Cracked Up To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wakes up but with a price....

  A week went by and Sam began to breath by himself, they took the respirator out but kept the feeding tube in, he still hadn’t woken up but there was some close calls, like the time it was just Dean in the room and he was telling Sam a story about how Castiel left his shoes everywhere, and Dean could’ve swore that he felt Sam’s fingers tighten around his, but when he told the nurse she told him that, that sometimes happened but it didn’t mean anything, her face showed sadness but her voice showed pity, Dean didn’t want her pity. Or the time the doctor came in and asked Dean even he wanted him to call the minister to give Sam his last rites, Dean clenched his fists and was about to tell the doctor to go fuck himself, Sam’s eye lids fluttered and a sigh sounded from his mouth.

  Dean pushed off of the chair faster then he ever got up and shook Sam slightly but he still didn’t wake up. The doctor kept reminding him he had one more week to get everything set up with the funeral that inevitable, Dean still hated him. Dean would like everyone to think he kept a level head in this whole situation, Castiel had told him many times how proud he was that he wasn’t screaming at everyone, but in truth on the inside where no one could judge him Dean was curled into a tight ball, crying his eyes out.

  The levee broke the beginning of the second week, it was after the doctor reminded Dean of his brother’s wishes that he didn’t want to be hooked to machines but because he was only seventeen, it was really all up to Dean, Dean nodded in understanding and asked to be left alone, the doctor didn’t need to be told twice because he was suddenly gone. Dean walked to his brother, finally free of the respirator and breathing on his own, Dean didn’t understand why he wouldn’t wake up.

  “Remember when you were little before Mom and Dad split up for the first time, and we had visitation with Dad, he didn’t have a house cause no one rents to an alcoholic so we were on the road, we traveled all over the place and when Dad decided he didn’t need to bring us back we stayed on the road, God you were so annoying always asking the dumbest questions, why we didn’t have a house, why we never stayed in one town, why we were always hungry. I remember begging you to quit asking Sammy you didn’t want to know, but you never stopped I just wanted you to be safe, to keep you in the dark so you could be a kid. When Mom finally found us you still thought that we were on vacation. Four years and you still thought we were just visiting Dad, Mom was happy to let you believe that, but then you got older, Ruby got pregnant, and you asked again when Dad came back. I couldn’t lie anymore. Dad always told me to keep you safe when we were little, that you were tiny and fragile and needed to be protected but, I never needed to be told it was always just a reflex, but I let you down, I guess that’s what I do I let down the ones I love, I let Mom down I was supposed to protect her from Dad and instead she died, I let Cas down when I hurt him, he’s giving me another chance and I don’t deserve that. Now I guess I’m supposed to let you down too but how am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do Sammy? God. What am I supposed to do?” Dean got up from his position by Sam’s bed and walked around he suddenly turned and flipped the TV tray over. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?” Dean yelled as he slid down the wall tears springing from his eyes, he stayed curled up like that until Castiel found him.

  Castiel and Dean found each other on the couch in Sam’s room curled up together not saying a word but Dean still shaking even hours after the incident. Gabriel had came in and made no move to make fun of the two boys or say a word to them. Gabriel took his normal seat next to Sam and grabbed his hand rubbing his thumb over his palm in comfort, Dean could never really decide if the comfort was for Sam or Gabriel, but the older man seemed to be so much more relaxed when he was touching Sam in some way, if anyone had ever thought that Gabriel didn’t love Sam that would be gone from their mind the moment they saw the love in his eyes, it almost hurt to look at.

  It was in the moment when Dean had stopped shaking and was starting to fall asleep due to the absence of adrenaline he had earlier.

   Sam suddenly blinked, slowly he opened his eyes and started grab at his throat, Gabriel gasped and yelled at Castiel and Dean to wake up and then began to yell for a nurse or a doctor or something. The doctor came in and told Sam he needed to calm down so he could get the feeding tube out, Sam calmed down for the most part and once the tube was out the doctor began to explain that he was lucky to be alive, Sam was confused he didn’t understand what happened or how he ended up here so Dean began to explain in the most calm tone he could muster.

  “You ODed on thanksgiving it’s been about two weeks since then”. Dean told him, Sam still looked confused and he sat up a bit more.

  His voice was raspy but he was determined to say what he needed to say. “I’ve never done drugs Dean, Ruby never would like that even though she’s a druggie”. Sam said his voice so raspy it was barely a whisper. Dean was confused now, what was he talking about? He was talking like Ruby was still alive and she wasn’t obviously.

  “Sam, how old is Selina?” Dean asked him, Castiel gripped his hand hard scared for his answer.

  “She just turned two months Dean you should know that”. Sam whispered. Gabriel let go of Sam’s hand, it was like Sam didn’t even realize he was there until he moved and Sam looked at him and then Dean with confusion.

  “I can’t Deano I-I’ll be outside”. Gabriel told him tears streaming down his face, he ran out of the room and they could hear his sobs from down the hall and halfway outside.

  “Sammy, Selina is two years old now, and Ruby’s dead she’s been dead since Selina turned four months old. It seems like you’ve lost some memories there”. Dean told him gently, Sam slumped a little a look of deep concentration over his face.

  “But wait why was Cas’ brother here? And where is Mom and John?” Sam asked Dean, since the moment Sam found out that John had abused there Mom and was an all around jackass he stopped calling him Dad and started calling him John, it pissed their father off but that didn’t stop him.

  “Gabe was here because you guys have been dating for the past year and a half,” Dean told him Sam’s eyebrows scrunched together and he looked even more confused than before. “Mom and Dad aren’t here because they aren’t around anymore”. Dean told his brother.

  “Oh where are they?” Sam asked, Dean hated having to tell his brother that they were dead, how does he even start? He could talk about his Dad a lot easier now, but his Mom was still fresh. Castiel saw that Dean was having trouble and stepped in he took a deep breath and began to tell Sam what happened in the past three years.

  “Sam what I’m going to tell you may be hard to hear but just bear with me John died a year ago?” He turned to Dean for guidance on that one, Dean nodded. “He was killed in a hunting accident, Mary died about four months ago, that time when John back handed Mary into a counter made her get an anueryism in her brain and it broke free.” Sam looked shell shocked and pained Dean grabbed his brother in a hug and manly patted him in comfort.

  “It’s going to be okay Sammy, we’ll get through this together”.

  A few days later Sam was given the okay to go home after very strick warnings from the doctor not to try and force him to remember anything, everything needs to come on its own. Gabriel hadn’t been seen since that day and he had only left a small voicemail telling his brother he needed time and that he was visiting Luke.

  It seemed that everything was falling apart and with Sam not remembering anything NA meetings and the therapy sessions where difficult and frustrating, Dean didn’t know what to say to his brother half the time and the other half it felt like Sam wasn’t even there, like he was off in another world, after a short period of time even Castiel stopped coming around the looks that Sam would give him, the distant and mute glares it was hard to watch and after three months Sam seemed to turn into a hermit, the doctors told Dean not to worry that this was normal with the information that they gave him about his girlfriend’s sucide and the death of their parents it was normal to mourn again.

  Selina stayed with Lisa and Charlie, and Charlie came over daily to read to Sam and tell him how his daughter was doing. It was thought to be better to not push Selina the one thing that changed the most from how Sam remembers her away as to not “scratch the wall” as the doctor so lightly put it. One day after Sam yelled at Dean for keeping Selina away, Gabriel walked in the door, smiling slightly at Sam and sat with him, Sam didn’t say much, never did anymore, but he let Gabriel hold him and Sam remembered something.

  A campfire they had a while back he remembered the smell of th fire and the marshmellows, the sound of Selina’s giggles and the feeling of Gabriel’s kisses under the stars. Sam lightened up a little more after Gabriel showed it was like a light switch flicked as soon as he saw them. Even Gabriel said that he felt better being around him, he felt whole and Dean was okay with that. He began to hope that his baby brother would feel better soon. Little did he know.


	12. I hate you, I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo I am probably the worst person ever I am so sorry about how long its been but hopefully it'll get a little less crazy now.

Four months after Sam woke up with no memory, he asked Gabriel to sit up with him and tell him stories of when they were happy. He didn’t want to hear anything unhappy just happy love stories. So Gabe did as he was told, he told about the trip to Oklahoma for nothing more than just to get away for a weekend it was the best weekend  Gabe had ever had and he thought about how happy they were all the time.

            Next he told him about the time when Sam’s car broke down, he was on his way to get Selina to the doctor she was very sick. Sam’s call was hysterical, when Gabe got there Selina was asleep in the backseat, sweat pooling on her shirt her little face so pale that she resembled a paper doll more than a cute one year old. Gabriel had given Selina a ride to the doctor and towed Sam’s car to Dean, that was the day that Dean discovered that Sam and Gabriel were dating.

            Sam and Gabriel stayed up all night talking about the past, Sam laughing at the antics they got themselves in, like the time they were supposed to be going to Texas to visit Luke but instead took a wrong turn and ended up in Mexico and about twenty minutes later ended up in jail after Gabe had tried to speak Spanish trying to tell the man that he was lost and didn’t want to go to Mexico but instead said that he was trying to bomb all of Mexico wit his gay lover, although Gabe said it was an honest translation error Sam didn’t believe him even with fuzzy memories of that night and what Gabriel told him he didn’t believe him, it was just such a Gabriel thing to do that he couldn’t help but laugh.

            When Sam couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer Gabe led him to bed.

            “Goodnight Sammy”. Gabe told him with a slight smile as he went to go to his own room.

            “Wait, Gabe”, Sam told him, Gabriel stopped in the door and looked at the man he loved, but didn’t remember that he loved him.

            “Yeah Sammy?” Gabriel asked him with that same fake smile he’d been wearing for months.

            “Could you stay with me tonight?” Sam asked him, and Gabriel smiled the first genuine smile that he had in a while, he didn’t trust his words to speak and not break with the emotion that he was feeling right now.  Gabe climbed in bed with Sam and couldn’t help the slight sigh that sounded from his lips, it almost felt like the old days.

            Sam woke up with a jump his heart beating in his chest and his head pounding. Gabe was still asleep next to him he looked so innocent and Sam couldn’t help but think about when they went to Kansas City to get away from all of John’s fuckery with Dean. That was the moment when Sam realized his memory was back, he remembered everything from his and Gabe’s first kiss to Selina’s first steps. He was so overcome with emotion that he shook Gabe up from his sleep.

            “What’s wrong?” Gabriel shouted at seeing Sam’s tear stricken face. Of course this only made Sam cry more, but when he finally was able to talk the words just came out like exorcist green pea soup vomit.

            “I am so sorry for how terribly I treated you, all you wanted to do was help me not turn into Ruby and instead I acted like a prick, please don’t hate me”. Sam said in a rush, he didn’t know what he would do if Gabe told him to piss off.

            “Sam, first of course I don’t hate you, you dumb giraffe, drugs can ruin a person more than anything in the world. Secondly, what do you remember?” Gabriel tried to not get his hopes up but with what he was telling him it sounded to him like he was back to his old self.

            “Everything, Gabe I remember it all, the trips we took the love we have all of it”. Sam told him with a relieved smile. Gabriel soon returned it and they both fell into each others arms with a kiss that said what they themselves couldn’t.

            After being wrapped in each others arms for hours Gabriel decided they should probably let Dean and Castiel know that Sam was back. Of course he was going to do it in his own style and scare the shit out of him.

            He picked up his phone and called Dean knowing that it would freak him out to get a call from Gabe at 7 in the morning. Just as he hoped Dean answered in a gruff sleep ridden voice. “What’s wrong?” Dean asked, Gabriel could hear Castiel ask a question beside him and smiled still not over the fact his little angst ridden brother was happy.

            “Dean you and Cassie need to get over here, fast it’s Sam” Gabriel told him in a panicked voice he didn’t wait for a reply just promptly hung up the phone.

            “He’s gonna be pissed when he gets here”. Sam told him with a smile on his perfect boyish face. Gabriel didn’t realize just how much he missed that smile and his Sammy until now.

            Dean sprung out of bed and threw on clothes. Castiel was asking questions behind him but Dean didn’t have time to make a full sentence only yell “Sam”. Behind him, Castiel dressed hurridly as well as Dean ran to the kitchen for the keys to the Impala.

            It wasn’t until he was outside in the biting Kansas cold that he realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt just pants, he also realized he didn’t care. Both men jumped in the car at the same time worried for the man they both called their little brother.

Dean barely stopped the car and put it in park before he was rushing out of it and running the front door. Gabriel was waiting for him in the living room, his head in his hands, he looked like Dean felt, tired, when he heard the intrusion he lifted his head and smiled sadly at Dean and Castiel.

            “Hey Deano”. Gabriel greeted Dean with a sad smile and a tired voice.

            “What’s going on Gabe?” Dean asked, his eyes were huge and his heart was pounding, his brain was going over millions of scenarios and he was terrified the next words he would hear is that his little brother was dead.

            “Dean we won’t have to take care of Sam, or try to jog his memories anymore”. Gabriel added a small crack in his voice to mess with him more and saw Dean grab Castiel’s arm his eyes filling with tears.

            “Gabe, why what’s going on?”  Castiel asked his older brother.

            “Sam’s memory is back!” Gabriel announced with a flourish and a smile like the Cheshire cat. Dean let go of Castiel and flew toward Gabe, pissed that he would make such a joke at this, until he realized who he was speaking with and stopped. Of course Gabe would say something like this, he’s Gabriel, he’s been a trickster since before he knew him and would stay being one long after.

            “Where is he?” Dean asked the trickster in question.

            “He’s in our room getting dressed, he should be done by now though”. Gabriel headed down the hallway as did Cas and Dean. Gabriel knocked on the door, “Hey Sammy Dean and Cassie are here I nearly made Dean shit himself”. No response. Gabriel knocked once more. “Sam? Are you dressed?” Still nothing.

            Dean shoved Gabe out of the way and opened the door, Sam wasn’t in the room.  The window was open it was obvious that Sam ran off, but to do what?

            Dean stuck his head out the window to see if there was any clues. Nothing.

            After he got his head back in the window he pulled out his phone and called Meg. She answered on the first ring.

            “What Winchester?” She asked him sounding annoyed.

            “Have you heard from Sammy?” He asked her.

            “Uh no I haven’t why?” Meg sounded genuine and he sighed.

            “He got his memories back and he’s gone, my guess is he’s jonesing and you’ll hear from him soon and when you do I want to know”. Dean snapped.

            “Yeah of course Dean keep me posted?” Meg asked him sounding alarmed.

            “Yeah sure Meg, thank you”. Dean hung up the phone and let out a puff of air he didn’t know he’d been holding. All they could do is wait now.


End file.
